She's Falling Apart - Lisa Loeb Lyrics

She's Falling Apart - Lisa Loeb

 

They pull up their chairs to the table
She stares at the food on her plate
At the toast and the butter
Her father, her mother, she pushes away

And they rise in the morning
And they sleep in the dark
And even though nobody's looking
She's falling apart

She gets home from school too early
And closes the door to her room
There's nothing inside her
She's weak and she's tired of feeling like this

And they rise in the morning
And they sleep in the dark
And even though nobody's looking
She's falling apart

They call her for dinner, she makes up a reason
She looks at her arms and she rolls down her sleeves
And her mother is starting to see through her lies
And last night her father had tears in his eyes

And they rise in the morning
And they sleep in the dark
And even though nobody's looking
She's falling apart

And we rise in the morning
And we sleep in the dark
And even though nobody's looking
She's falling apart

PRO ANA!

Ana's Pep Talk

Ana's Pep Talk

Oh, so your craving food right now, huh?
What do you think you are doing?
Don't you dare go anywhere near food!
Don't touch it; don't even think about it.
What do you want to do, become a fat cow?
I am your best friend, and if you eat, you are failing me and letting me down.
If you eat right it shows what little self-control you have.
That pain in your stomach right now, that is me, and that is your fat melting away.
When you feel empty, it means you are empty of your sins.
Summer is coming up.
You want to be able to walk around in booty shorts and a bikini top, don’t you?
You want to walk around in a bikini with your flat, firm little stomach and your toned little thighs.
You to be able to run your hand over your stomach and feel your ribs.
You want to go to the mall and see that skimpy outfit and know you would look so good in it.
You made a commitment to me.
I am your life and obsession.
Don't break what we have.
I will give you everything you want, but you have to give me what I want.
And I want you to stay away from food.
Go have some water.
Go drink some tea or coffee.
Or better yet - go to the gym, fatty!
Don't show me what little self-control you have.
Don’t defy me.
You know that if you go eat right now, you will end up on your knees puking it all up until you see blood and water and your stomach is aching.
You will regret eating as soon as those calories and that fat slip past your tonsils and down into your body to add to that extra roll on your stomach.
You are going to get cellulite.
You are going to look like the typical fat soccer mom.
I can give you so much - I can give you a great body.
Show me your control and I will show you a flat stomach.
Show me you love me and can keep me a secret and stay away from food and I’ll give you those shaped little thighs.
Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass.
You love me.
If you eat now and throw away what you are working for, I will hate you.
And you will hate yourself.
You have a meal plan; you have goals and dreams.
Don’t throw that all away now.
Don’t give up what you really want for something you want now.
Don’t eat fatty.
You are still no supermodel like Kate Moss.
Don’t fail me. Don’t eat.

If people try to make you eat.

OH NO! THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKE YOU EAT!
    Claim you have a headache.
    Say you already ate.
    Express that you feel sick.
    Say you feel like you getting the flu.
    Say you don't like the food.
   Claim that you are trying to eat healthier, so you can only eat fresh veggies.
   Use the excuse that you are depressed/stressed because of school, your boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.
   Say that you are busy and will fix a plate for later.
   Miss dinner by stalling.  "I will be right there," or "be out in a few."
   Say you want to eat in your room because you are watching a TV show.
   Say you need to be at your TV to stop the tape recorder when commercials come on to save room.
    Share you food, with a friend, a pet, the trash can, etc.
    Spit it out in a cup when "drinking."
   Only take a few bits and jumble it around in your plate.
    Say that it is hard to chew because your tooth aches (braces, maybe?)
    Eat some, then when you are "finished," go "take a shower" and the sound of the water will mask the purging sound in the toilet.

Keep Yourself Busy!

KEEP YOURSELF BUSY
    Clean something!  Your room, your yard, bathroom, kitty box, fish tank, etc.
    Organize something.  The clutter underneath the sink, your shelf, the cupboards, etc.
    Learn something new.  Crocheting, knitting, HTML, etc.
    Make a website about something that interests you.  Horses, video games, anorexia, makeup, etc.
    Do a project!  Scrapbook, sewing, gifts, etc.
    Go for a search on the web.  Anorexia websites, clothes, lingerie, makeup, etc.
    Join an Anorexia forum:  post and share other ideas!
    Take a nice long hot bubble bath or shower.  Turn on some classical music and light some candles.
    Beautify yourself.  Play with your hair, experiment with make up, sexy or silly!
    Give yourself a manicure or pedicure, practice makes perfect!
    Brush your teeth.
    Buy some whitening strips or gel and try them out to whiten your smile!
    Talk with a friend and make plans to go somewhere.  Mall, salon, etc.
    Go for a drive.
    Go to the library and browse.  Pick up a good romance or adventure book to read.
    Read a book or magazine.
    Study if you are in school.
    Chat online.  AIM, Yahoo, friends, other anorexics, etc.
    Watch a movie or TV show, but don't use the remote, get up and change the channel.
    Crank up the music and dance!
    Take a walk or go for a jog.
    Exercise at your home or at the gym.

Letter From Ana

Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you.
In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.
Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look....fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.
But I am about to change all that.
I expect a lot from you. You are not allowed to eat much. It will start slowly: decreasing of fat intake, reading the nutrition labels, cutting out junk food, fried food, etc. For a while, the exercise will be simple: some running, perhaps some crunches and some situps. Nothing too serious. Perhaps drop a few pounds, take a little off of that fat tub of a stomach. But it won't be long before I tell you that it isn't good enough.
I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one.
I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.
Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.
Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, you are going to get fat.
When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain!
Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares?!?!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.
Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and lonliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please.
I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have createdyou, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.
Sincerely, Ana

Ana's Rules

Rules

Look in the mirror tell yourself you are fat.
Don't believe what others say about you.
Look at pictures of skinny girls daily and become like them.
Don't think or eat food at all. Food makes you fat. Any food makes you fat.
Drink as much water as you can. If you feel like you are going to exploid, drink more.
Go to the mall and try on clothes two sizes two small for you so you will be modivated to not eat and to fit into them.
Don't cry. All crying does is show you dont have self-control